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2005 STATE OF THE TAVERN ADDRESS
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NEW DRINK MENU
My administration has also made it a point to bring its constituency all the best when it comes to drinks. I know that after a hard day, nothing renews our belief in freedom and democracy better than a great martini.
That's why, Tony P's has added nine, that's right, nine new martinis to its already spectacular martini line-up. Taste the new Hurricane Martini made with cherry vodka or stick with the timeless classic of the Perfect Manhattan. Whatever your choice, Tony P's will hand-shake your favorite martini right at your table. I am also proud to announce the addition of a several new vodkas, gins, rums and tequilas to what I call the United Nations of Alcohol. Nowhere else, can you select from such an impressive list of high-quality representatives from Sweden, Holland, the Netherlands, England, Mexico, Anguilla and more. It's part of my international policy to continue to import the finest labels from overseas and add them to our spectacular domestic line-up. And if you prefer shooters, I'm offering something new. Some candidates give out buttons, some give out bumper stickers, but be honest – what do you do with those things? I'm offering something you can really use: a Tony P's shooter glass! This great glass with the Tony P's logo is just $3 with any shooter! It doesn't get much better than that. |
 IN THE TAVERN
During the campaign, I met many wonderful people throughout the nation. Some encouraged me to refine our domestic policy, while others expressed concern about our foreign politics. But one thing everyone agreed on was the need for bigger, better and more impressive TVs! At Tony P's, we have taken a bold step that has set us apart from competing nations and competing sports bars. We have installed high-definition LCD televisions and an enhanced Play Network sound system with sound tubes that send out sound 360 degrees throughout the Tavern. We've gone to extraordinary expense so that you can hear Ashlee Simpson's halftime performances in crystal clear sound, and you can see the rug on Marv Albert's head in high definition. I believe, however, that when it comes to providing our patrons with the finest in television viewing, no expense is too great. I say, borrow from the Social Security lock box, dive head first into deficit spending, increase Medicare costs, just don't sacrifice quality television viewing for our patrons!
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 CAMPAIGN PROMISES
I am excited about the prospects for 2005, and I'm going out on a limb to make the following campaign promises.
• Tony P's Tavern will show each and every game during March Madness from little Gonzaga to powerhouses like Duke and Kansas
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• We will serve all-you-can eat fish and chips from Mardi Gras to Easter for just $13.95.
I will not fail you! Thank you for your support! God bless Tony P's! And God bless America!
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STATE OF THE RESTAURANT ADDRESS
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MY FELLOW DINERS...
I am proud to deliver this year's State of the Restaurant Address. I am certain that all of you are aware of the lobbyists who continue to pressure my friends in both houses of Congress about the smoking issue. Health advocates support a smoking ban on our beaches and public places, while tobacco lobbyists push for the individual freedom to light up.
I, for one, have demanded that 2005 be the year when Tony P's smokes up! No, not cigars and cigarettes – but smoked pork and smoked chicken. That's right, Tony P's has unveiled a brand new Smoke House Barbeque menu full of mouth-watering items smoked right here at the restaurant.
We've added everything from pulled pork (marinated and smoked for 12 hours!) to Southern-style pork ossobuco and BBQ ribs. I refuse to be pressured by smoking lobbyists from either side. Instead, I promise to bring our diners the best Smoke House Barbeque in town! But Tony P's will not stop there. In an attempt to balance the trade deficit and provide opportunities to migrant fishermen in other parts of the world, my new international policy focuses on importing more new and unique seafood from all over.
Tony P's purveyors will routinely scour the globe for the freshest seafood anywhere, so be sure to check our daily seafood specials. |
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NEW FLAVORS
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I am also proud to announce a new treaty Tony P's has signed with our fellow food-lovers in Italy. Thanks to this unique pact, Tony P's will be serving a variety of new menu items direct from the Old Country. Look for our two new calzones – Spinach, made with two Italian cheeses, our own specially blended marinara sauce and herbs; and Meatball, made with Mama's special meatballs, marinara, Italian cheeses, oregano and garlic. Both are sure to please. Not only that, our free-trade agreement with the Old Country will also allow us to import a variety of new toppings for our famous pizza pies.
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 BUDGET BREAKFAST!
There is no doubt that Tony P's is a lunch and dinner Superpower, but the reality is that we are quietly the area's No. 1 producer of great breakfasts at bargain prices. I am frankly tired of beating the drum about this issue. Those who visit Tony P's on the weekend are well aware that our breakfasts are the biggest and best around, and they come in well under budget.
To my friends who eat breakfast elsewhere, I encourage you to reconsider your breakfast politics and join the Tony P's party. Bad breakfasts at other restaurants can be overcome. After all, in the immortal words of F.D.R., "The only thing we have to fear is bad breakfast itself." |
January/February 2005
310.823.4534
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